Women in the Ramayana

Women’s day is when we talk about aspects of women empowerment. So I thought of choosing the lens of the Ramayana to see what we women can learn and implement to elevate our lives.

First, let’s have a small quiz. Here are the names of the woman character, and you must give me the name of their husband – ready?
1. Seeta
2. Sumitra
3. Urmila
4. Ahalya
5. Sunayana
6. Sarama

(You probably knew all the answers, except 5 & 6? Sunayana's husband is Janaka Maharaja and Sarama's husband is Vibheeshana)

Now let’s consider the behaviour of some of these women in the Ramayana and talk about what’s the lesson for us in it.

1. Seeta followed Rama into forest for vanavasa – stand by your spouse through the tough times. Marriage is for sharing both joys and sorrows together.

2. Urmila stayed back in Ayodhya while Lakshmana went to vanavasa – sometimes it’s your duty to hold the fort at home while your spouse fights his battles elsewhere. Have the maturity to accept and handle such situations.

3. Sumitra blessed Lakshmana when he insisted on following Rama to vanavas – when your child chooses the right path, although it may be difficult for you to see him suffer, give him your blessings. 

Now let’s see what NOT to do

4. Kaikeyi – was fond of Rama – but when Manthara evoked jealousy against Kausalya, Kaikeyi lost her power of judgement. Jealousy is the greatest monster that destroys our ability to think and reason. Be wary of it. Associate with positive and broad minded persons who uplift us, not those who pull us down!

5. Ahalya – fell prey to temptation – recognized that Indra was not her husband Gautama, but lost her head thinking that her beauty had captivated Indra himself. Steer clear of those who approach you with unholy intentions. Character of the woman is the most crucial to moral behaviour in the family.

6. Shoorpanakha – her immoral desire became the vehicle to cause destruction of entire rakshasa clan. When the woman of the house has ever-growing demands, it can drive the family to destructive ways of life.

7. Sunayana – Janaka’s wife – mother of Seeta. No mention at all of what she did when Seeta chose to go to vanavasa – let your married daughters take their decisions – don’t interfere with their life in a negative way!

8. Sarama – wife of Vibheeshana – retained her good and satvik nature even when in the middle of other rakshasis in Ashoka vana. Didn’t allow their evil behaviour to change her attitude. Stay committed to the right values in life no matter what others around you are doing.

Finally, here are two stories.

Story 1

After the killing of Ravana, when Hanuman went with good news to Seeta, he asked her permission to kill the rakshasis. She refused, saying they had only done what their king had ordered. She further said that all of us make mistakes – it is noble to forgive. Seeta’s mistake – to want the deer, and then speak harshly to Lakshmana. Rama’s  mistake – to listen to Seeta’s words and ignore Lakshmana’s. Hanuman’s mistake also – to stand and listen with interest about mistakes of Rama and Seeta!

Story 2

When pushpaka vimana was bringing back Rama, Seeta and Lakshmana and all vanaras from Lanka, they decided to take with them the vanara wives too.

Those vanara women were very curious to see the famed beauty of Seeta for whom the entire battle had been fought. They judged her on the vanara scale of beauty.

One said “Such big eyes Seeta has!”, another said “Such small waist she has”, third one said, “Forget all that – she has no tail only!”

Seeta heard all this – but only smiled. She who had forgiven the rakshasis who tortured her was not likely to take offense at the jabbering of the vanara women!

What's the lesson for us here? There will always be someone who has standards different from yours. Understand that their viewpoint is valid for them – don’t get annoyed by their comments, but don’t let that dictate your standards, either!

 Learn to draw a protective armour around yourself – "Not my circus, not my monkeys!”

The Fourth Rama

The two young daughters of the Srivaishnava Acharya Uyyakkondar were returning after bathing in the Kaveri. The path was blocked by a wide stretch of thick, slushy mud.

The little girls stopped, wondering how they would cross it.

Just then, Rama Mishra, their father’s shishya, arrived there.

Without another word, he lay down across the puddle, and said, “Don’t worry. Please cross over on my back.”

The girls were shocked and hesitated.

He coaxed them in a loving, but firm voice, and full of reverence, the girls crossed over gently, using his body as their path.

News of this reached Rama Mishra’s acharya, Uyyakkondar, and he summoned the disciple.

“My child,” he said, “what a great spirit of seva you have! Tell me what you desire, and I will grant it!”

Rama Mishra replied, “Swami, I desire nothing but to serve you always.”

In that moment, the guru knew that this shishya was no ordinary soul, but one who could be trusted to carry forward the guru Parampara.

From that day, everyone began calling Rama Mishra as “Manakkal Nambi.” The word “Nambi” is a title for a man who is full of divine gunas. “Manakkal” means “the one who bore the sandy footprints on his back.”

Years later, as Uyyakkondar prepared to depart this world, he called Manakkal Nambi close.

“There is one task you must fulfill,” he said. “The son of Ishwara Muni – Yamunai-thuraivar – you must guide him to carry forward our sampradaya.”

This Yamunai-thuraivar had been a brilliant young scholar. After winning in an intellectual debate, he had won half the kingdom to rule and was known by the name of Alavandar. Administrative duties, royal comforts, and worldly responsibilities slowly distanced him from his spiritual path. This was the person whom Manakkal Nambi had to transform.

When Manakkal Nambi came to see Alavandar, the palace guards refused entry. Nambi did not protest. He simply found another way.

Every day, Nambi brought a type of spinach called thuthuvaḷai keerai and gave it to the palace cooks, requesting them to cook and serve it to Alavandar. They did so, and Alavandar began to enjoy the dish greatly.

One day, the cooks stopped making the dish. Alavandar enquired why, and the cooks replied, “An elderly Srivaishṇava used to bring it. He has not come.”

“Find him,” Alavandar ordered.

A few days later, Manakkal Nambi returned, and was immediately taken to meet Alavandar.

“Swami,” he said respectfully, “please be seated. Tell me what wealth I can give you for your service.”

Nambi smiled. “I don’t want to take your wealth. In fact, I have come to give you a wealth that has been bequeathed by my Acharya.”

From that day, Manakkal Nambi began teaching Alavandar the meaning of the Bhagavad Geeta.

Slowly, Alavandar became a disciple again.

One fateful day, Manakkal Nambi explained the meaning of the Charama Shloka of the Bhagavad Geeta, which preaches surrender at the lotus feet of Krishna. He took Alavandar to Srirangam for darshan of Lord Ranganatha.

As Alavandar stood before Ranganatha, his heart melted. In that moment, the king vanished, and the bhakta was born again.

Eventually, Alavandar took the Srivaishnava sampradaya ahead, and it was he who “found” Ramanujacharya to be annointed his successor in the Acharya Parampara.

But for the intervention of Manakkal Nambi, these events would have been impossible. Paying homage to him in his Yathiraja Saptati, Swami Vedanta Desikan says,

अनुज्जित क्षमा योगम् अपुण्य जन बाधकम् ।
अस्पृष्ट मद रागं तं रामं तुरीयम् उपास्महे ॥

Anujjita kṣamā yogam apuṇya jana bādhakam
Aspṛṣṭa mada rāgam tam Rāmam turīyam upāsmahe

Meaning:

We meditate upon this fourth Rama – Rama Mishra (Manakkal Nambi)
who never abandoned patience, who never caused harm to any being,
and who was untouched by pride or worldly attachment.

There were three great Ramas known to the world before him:

Parashurama (whose rage was uncontrollable)

Dasharatha Rama (who killed the rakshasas)

Balarama (who was filled with attachment)

But this was the fourth Rama. Rama Mishra.

A Rama of perfect patience, perfect compassion, and perfect humility.

He did not fight any great battles. All he did was restore one soul to the fold, and by this, he ensured that the world continues to be guided and led to liberation through the teachings of the Srivaishnava acharyas.

Today, on the tirunakshatram (holy birth anniversary) of Manakkal Nambi, let us offer our obeisances to him, and pray to be guided to lead a meaningful life, filled with the wealth of seva.