My relationship with computer engineering is like that of
chalk and cheese…or – in typical South Indian fashion – like that of Oil and
Shikakai powder…or a contemporary comparison that’s even more
accurate.…it’s like that between Arnab Goswami and Subramanian Swamy.
So, it’s not likely
that I will ever write a software
program. But, at a recent motivational seminar conducted for Class 12
students, there were some queries thrown up about maintaining a positive
attitude. This led me to try and think of how I deal with unpleasant situations
that hold the potential of upsetting me.
Did you notice what I just said?
“unpleasant situations that hold the potential of
upsetting me”
NOT
“unpleasant situations that upset me”
Those few words that set it apart “hold the potential”
convey a key aspect…one that we all too often neglect as we get caught up in the
emotions that follow an event.
It conveys this: how I respond to something is
a factor well within my control.
This simple logic is what is
summed up in motivational quotes such as these
What set me thinking on these lines is also something I’ve been
studying recently – the Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) propounded by
Albert Ellis. The basic premise of this technique is that just events cannot
cause someone to feel anxious, angry, sad or jealous. Instead, it is the
beliefs we create about these events that drive us towards unhealthy feelings
and behaviours that are self-defeating. If we learn to disrupt these incorrect beliefs with more positive ones, it has a positive effect that leads to new, positive feelings.
When I read about REBT for the first time, I realized this
is what I have been unconsciously doing since quite some years now. And those
questions from the Class 12 students motivated me to try to create an algorithm
that summarizes my approach to difficult situations.
Abstract stuff? Maybe…
But it works for me.
Every. Single. Time.
