NaBloPoMo 2017: Day 6: Listen to the Mahout God

Recently, I met someone I had known several years ago. He had impressed me then as being a smart and capable young man with a lot of potential. However when I met him now, he was visibly in a condition much worse than what I had expected. Maybe he noticed the surprised look that I tried to hide without much success. Taking the bull by the horns, he addressed the issue himself. “You’re shocked to see me like this, Madam? I don’t know what came over me…got into bad company and made a mess of my life. Now, slowly, I’m trying to get back to a normal life.”

As he told me his story, I realized how, in the hot-headedness of youth, ignoring the advice of parents can be the worst thing to do.

This was one of the points mentioned by my old friend Reena when I asked for inputs on what had made a difference to her life. Reena sent me a big list of about 8 points that she had adopted and found to majorly influence the direction of her life. Each one of those deserves a post by itself and I will do justice to it sometime. For today, though, one of the things she said reminded me of the guy I mentioned before.

I remember Reena as a shy girl and beyond some small talk here and there, I hadn’t really interacted with her much. A few years ago, I met her after long; and this time, I learned a lot more about her. The shy girl had grown up into an astute businesswoman and caring mother and homemaker, who, despite having a child with special needs, didn’t act like a victim of a blow from fate.

Reena tells me today about how when she was in school, her father rarely allowed her to go out to friends' houses except to the people he knew really well. And she used to get angry with him for that because all her other classmates and friends used to get around a lot. She used to feel her father was too controlling and rigid. 

But later, from experience, she learned that someone whom her father had struck off the list of acceptable friends turned out to be really not the right sort of person. Ever since then, Reena says she understood the meaning of what her father always said, “It is your friends who can make or destroy you; so choose them carefully.”

As Reena rightly points out, when our parents give us advice, we might get angry and feel they are interfering in our space…but that is not true…they are trying to play safe for us…unfortunately we understand only when they are far away from us…

As we grow older, our parents’ opinions take a backseat as we grow more capable of taking our own decisions with maturity. But there may be significant others who raise a voice of caution when we’re rushing headlong, impulsively, into unknown territory. While the final decision remains our own, I think it’s important to at least consider the possibilities that these voices raise; think their objections through, and then decide if they ought to influence our decision. 

Why? Because of the story of the “Mahout God.” I’d written about this on my Facebook page (called Write Every Day) a few days back. Because many readers of the blog don’t follow that page, here’s that story again.

A holy man once taught his disciples to see God in everyone and everything. One of the disciples was walking in town one day when a mad elephant came charging towards him. The mahout who was following the elephant was screaming to everyone to get out of the way. This disciple thought, “Like the Guru said, the elephant is also God, so I have nothing to be afraid of,” and didn’t move. The elephant caught the disciple in his trunk and hurled him aside as it rushed ahead. The disciple lay bruised and battered at home. Later,  the holy man visited and asked why he hadn’t moved from the elephant’s path. The disciple explained his logic. The holy man then asked, “Fine, you saw the elephant-God; but shouldn’t you have listened to the mahout-God’s advice?”

We are sometimes like the disciple in this story – we rush to follow the “Elephant God” of our own mad desires, willfully ignoring the “Mahout God” of voices of reason.

NaBloPoMo 2017: Day 5: Hitting the Right Note

“Amma, listen to this,” he calls. 

I pause what I’m doing and move closer to the laptop. We listen to a medley he’s created by altering existing music tracks and mixing them up, using some program called Virtual DJ . It’s for one of his friends who’s participating in a solo dance competition during the upcoming school cultural events. 

“How is it?” asks my son.

“Sounds good,” I say.

“Do I have some talent in this?” he asks.

It’s a delicate moment because I can sense the hope behind the question. At the same time, I know that whatever my answer, he will dissect it, trying to confirm that I’m being honest with him.

“I don’t know so much about music and remixing and all that,” I start tentatively. “So, I can’t really say if you have talent or not. All I can tell you is that it sounds good to my ears. But I think you should be asking your friend if he’s actually happy with it and can fit his dance steps to the sounds you’ve created.”

A phone call interrupts our conversation. It’s the friend who’s going to dance. Turns out the chap is quite happy overall, but wants some tweaking here and there, so they discuss it a bit and my son modifies his medley a bit.

Later, he turns back to me.

“When my friend dances to this music, everyone will appreciate his dance. He may get a prize even if he’s really good. But no one will know about my music,” he says wistfully.

I’m bite my tongue to stop myself from offering some homily about how the satisfaction of having done a work well is more than enough. Because he’s a teenager – and at that age, recognition from peers matters. A lot.

Instead of giving him philosophy, I offer a suggestion, “Maybe you can tell your friend to announce after his dance that you created the music for him?”

But his mind has already run far ahead of mine and found an answer that satisfies him. After all, from the time he was old enough to start getting frustrated by something going wrong, I’ve been drilling it into his head that ‘Every problem has a solution, we just need to think and find it.’

He tells me, “It’s okay if everyone doesn’t come to know about me. Anyway, the others in our friends circle will congratulate this guy and say the music was too good, and he’ll tell them I created it….so they will come to know.”

I turn away so he doesn’t see my smile at the outrageous level of confidence in that statement. And I realize this is one thing necessary for someone to be adaptable - aspiring not for the impossible peak, but for just enough to meet one's need.

I’m glad that like most times, he hasn’t disappointed me – he’s found a solution that works for him and helps him make his peace. I only pray that this attitude sustains him through the ups and downs that life may bring his way.

NaBloPoMo 2017: Day 4: The Ripple Effect

When I sent out my message asking for inputs about what has made a difference to your life, one of the first responses came from Veena. Despite being in the middle of an episode of severe pain in both the knees, she called me to share her experience in the hope that it would be of help to someone else.

Veena narrated how, many years ago, she had found herself beset by several problems on different fronts, throwing her into a phase of feeling very, very low. At that time, she happened to visit a doctor who believed strongly in the mind-body connection. Dr. Amruthavalli literally hand-held Veena through the rough times, building confidence in her, and teaching her how to stay positive. Dr. Amruthavalli helped Veena identify all the good qualities she has and Veena says this was the biggest turning point in her life. Here’s a picture of what the good doctor wrote out for Veena in her own handwriting….

Dr. Amruthavalli also encouraged Veena to read and practise the principles from a book called “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise L. Hay. Over time, Veena found such a transformation in herself that she took it upon herself to organize her friends into a group, and began reading to them from this book, encouraging them to practice those principles in their lives. Many of those women also said they benefited from all this. 

So, one Veena who got the right support at the right time from a caring doctor, became the catalyst who brought about change in so many other lives. Even that day, when she called me to share her story, she was asking about whether I would come to talk to her friends group about how to cultivate the right attitudes for a happy life.

When I heard Veena’s story, I felt grateful for having such friends. Especially those who come into my life through serendipity.

Sometime in July 2013, I attended a meeting of DISHA coordinators. (For those who haven’t read my older posts, DISHA is an organization with whom I volunteer in my free time to conduct value-education workshops for students and teachers.)

During that meeting, one of the coordinators, Mrs. Poornima Purohit announced about a training program for lay counselors being conducted by Prasanna Counseling Centre in Malleswaram. 

Intrigued and interested, and going through my own phase of insecurity because hubby had turned entrepreneur, I joined that training program. For 2 hours, on 2 days in a week, for 6 months, I felt an energy and excitement that told me this was something I wanted to pursue further. 

During the first session, when there was an icebreaker to get all trainees introduced to each other, Veena was one of the first people I spoke to. We got along very well and have kept in touch, off and on, ever since.

Take a look again at that picture of all Dr. Amruthavalli wrote for Veena. And remember that by nudging people to discover the positives in themselves, you can make the world a better place for not just the Veena’s you meet, but also that Veena’s friends and family…and through some Anusuya….to those who are a part of an audience of unknown numbers….

NaBloPoMo 2017: Day 3: 4 Practical Tips to Stop Arguing

As soon as you finish reading this sentence, close your eyes and think of 3 things you’d like to change in yourself. 

Got them?

Next – think about what you’ve actually done to change them. I mean – beyond wanting to change, and thinking you must change, and planning to change, and saying you’ll start next week …what have you PUT INTO PRACTICE?

If you found even one concrete step you’ve taken, congratulations! If you find that like many well-intentioned folks you haven’t really been able to act on your noble intentions, perhaps you should try to break down your intended goal into smaller parts that are easier to get started with.

Let’s say you find yourself getting into pointless arguments very often. Deciding “I will not argue henceforth” is great. But unrealistic. Because it’s not so easy for an argumentative person to stop arguing overnight. Instead, take time to break down this “I will not argue” into actionable tasks.

1 – I will move physically away from the site of argument so that I can no longer see the person who’s arguing.

2 – I will put enough distance between me and him or her so that the sound of the other person’s voice gets muffled and I can’t hear clearly what is being said.

This may sound funny to read right now when you are in a normal mood. But it’s a vital step when you’re actually arguing. Have you ever noticed what happens during an argument? You say one thing, the other person says something, and once irritation and anger set in, neither person is capable of actually processing what either one is saying. Each one goes off on his own trip.





Another thing I’ve noticed – oh yes, I argue too – is that often, my opinion gets decided not by WHAT is being said but by HOW it’s being said. The looks I get, the tone I hear, the body language I notice ….all these go to increase my irritation. Which is why doing point 1 and 2 I mentioned above can help cut off sensory inputs that fuel your irritation.

And two other painful things you SHOULD do….

3 – Keep your mouth shut for one whole minute. The urge to respond will fade away gradually.

4 - Think of what in YOU is provoking a particular reaction from someone. 

We’re not always the innocent victims that our mind makes us out to be. The sooner we realize this, the better we’ll be able to examine our own contributions to troubles that come our way. If you can find even one small thing that acts as a trigger and change that bit about yourself, it could work miracles.

Of all the things she wrote to me (which I’ve reserved for another post related to those particular things), my niece Rajashree shared an amazing insight of something that worked for her.

She says, “There’s a habit I taught myself in 20 seconds…it made me a more agreeable person…I never say “but” when I’ve just said sorry!”

Think about it …… when you say “Sorry” and affix a “But” after it, no one will notice the “Sorry”…it’s the “But” that takes centrestage. And it’s a clear indication that the apology is superficial because the “But” portion is what you really mean.

Now you may wonder, “So what if I don’t say it, maybe the thought will still be there in my head.” That’s quite okay to start with. Eventually, when you do it enough number of times, you will realize that your thoughts too begin to change and you will be more willing to accept an alternative viewpoint.


If you have any other PRACTICAL tips like this one, things that have worked for you, do leave them in the comments section so they can be useful to anyone reading this post…..

By the way, my nephew pointed out today that I've crossed the milestone of 100 posts on my blog...this one is the 102nd....a big thank you to all of you who read, comment, share your thoughts and encourage me to keep writing....

NaBloPoMo 2017: Day 2: Be the change you wish to see

We’ve all heard of the quote attributed to Mahatma Gandhi: Be the change you wish to see. Easy to preach but tough to practise. More so if you’re the only one who seems bothered about bringing about a change in attitudes that stem from a deep-rooted apathy. But Nappinnai Kalaivanan is not one to give up so easily. 

She wrote to me yesterday about something that’s very significant. Years ago, Nappinnai saw a post on Facebook that gave a comparative picture of Singapore before and now. It described how there, even a kid doesn’t throw any waste on the road because there’s a high fine for littering. A few days later, she chanced on a video that showed how one person eating chocolate threw the wrapper on the ground and slowly, many others did the same, and what was once a clean spot, became the place for everyone to throw garbage.

Both these posts stuck in Nappinnai’s mind and she decided she would first stop littering. Everyone thought she was being weird and would sarcastically say, “Just because you are not throwing waste on the road, do you think others will stop doing it?” But she stuck to her guns because she firmly believes that one cannot preach something without practicing it oneself. So, she wouldn’t throw waste outside, and would chastise those who littered, despite their negative responses. Some people would even intentionally throw something on the road, right in front of Nappinnai, just to spite her. She refused to get provoked and instead, would calmly pick up the same and put it in the dust bin. Over the years, seeing her dedication to this principle of cleanliness and not littering, her neighbours and friends too began following her actions.

From being a UKG kid who took her teacher’s advice and carried the pencil shavings from the sharpener home to put into the dustbin, to bringing about a change in the attitude and behavior of people around her, Nappinnai Kalaivanan is a changemaker in her own right.

For someone with such a strong civic sense, rising to any occasion comes naturally. Which is why Nappinnai was one of the thousands of students who volunteered in one or the other way during the 2015 Chennai floods.

                                         I’m proud to say that this 23-year old girl is my husband’s niece.


There’s so much we can learn from her story. The UKG teacher who inculcated the spirit of not littering, sowed a seed in little Nappinnai. But it was her ability to believe in her principles and act by them without giving in to the ridicule of people around her, that is her real strength.

Youngsters like this give us hope that better days are in store for our country.

More power to Nappinnai and youth like her!

NaBloPoMo 2017: Day 1: Inspiration Strikes !!

Oct 31, 11.30 pm

I go to bed with a prayer, asking for guidance about what to write for the next one month. I want it to be something that will give insight or inspire the readers.

Nov 1, 9.00 am

Busy cooking, part of my brain is churning, wondering why divine inspiration hasn’t struck yet.

9.25 am

I get the thought that maybe I will, after all, take my sister’s suggestion and write about tips to develop some good qualities. But there are two problems with this – 

One, my experience is limited to certain qualities only; I can’t speak firsthand about the many others which I haven’t yet imbibed. 

Two, there are a few qualities that many wish they could cultivate but – at the risk of sounding egoistic – I’ve been blessed with them without putting any effort (thanks to my amma for reciting Vishnu Sahasranama everyday when she was pregnant with me???). So, again, I can’t really write about those in a way that people can relate to my words.

10.05 am

Before I can slip into the whirlpool of worry again, there’s a mental flash – why not ask people I know to share their stories of what quality in them has made the biggest difference to their life? That way, it will be authentic and many more people will be able to relate to it as compared to me giving out gyaan.

10.10 am

I draft a message asking for inputs from friends and family. I check and find a reassuring statistic: My “Blog Readers” broadcast group on WhatsApp has 196 people. Besides, there a few more people I’m friends with only on Facebook – I don’t have their phone numbers, but they seem to read and follow my writing. I can ask them, too?? Overall, the odds of my finding at least 30 leads for NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) seem pretty good.

10.12 am

I finalize the message and hit Send, wondering how long it will take for people to respond. But I have to put aside my phone because hubby is calling out for something.

10.17 am

I can’t believe my eyes! 13 people have sent me their answers in 5 minutes! God is Great !!

11.17 pm

Now, about 13 hours later, I have responses from 40 people. Many have sent messages, a few have called and told me their stories. I’m grateful to all of them. A few say they will mull it over and revert. 

Some say they don’t really know if they have any such good quality that has made a difference to their life. I tell them to examine the question with more care – it’s more likely that they haven’t really paid attention to their own life journey. 

As to the others on my list who haven’t yet responded – either they are busy with something else and will get back later; or it isn’t yet Krishna’s will for them to respond right now. 

But I’m sure of one thing that my quest has achieved – it’s making people look at themselves in a positive light. In a world where our faults are more likely to be pointed out rather than the positives, isn’t it time we got around to giving ourselves a pat on the back, a big hug, and be, in every sense, our own best friends?

I’ll sign off on this optimistic note until tomorrow – hopefully, a little earlier in the day.

The 12-rupee Uber ride

On Deepavali day, Uber had graciously granted me a promo offer on a pooled ride; so a distance of about 10 kms showed a fare estimate of Rs. 12/- only for 2 riders – me and my son. Like any other sane person receiving this insane offer, I quickly booked the ride. I wasn’t in a hurry to get back and so, was quite okay with the delay to be expected when you pool a ride.

The cab arrived on time, and there was a guy (Let’s call him Y) with whom we were sharing the ride. Little did I anticipate then, the bizarre turn of events that would follow.

On reaching Y’s destination, the cab driver (let’s call him R) stopped and told him how much to pay. Instead of doing that, Y pulled out his phone and called a friend, telling him where we were. The friend said that was not where he was supposed to get down, but somewhere much further. An argument ensued between Y and R and what finally emerged was that Y had fed the wrong location as the drop off point. Now, he was making a fuss insisting he be dropped at the point his friend specified.

Because Y was bossing over R although it wasn’t the latter’s fault, I too joined in and told Y that verifying the location is the rider’s responsibility, not the cab driver’s. Y ignored me. Finally, there was a compromise – R agreed to take Y to where he wanted, although he wasn’t going to be paid for the additional distance. By now, 10 minutes had passed since we’d stopped and I assumed it was just a few more minutes before we went our way. But obviously, I hadn’t accounted for Murphy’s “If anything can go wrong, it will” Law….

Since Y’s friend’s instructions had not been very clear, R just kept driving ahead and finally, to avoid blocking traffic, pulled to a stop in the parking space besides a police station. Y called his friend again. Both R and I told him to pay up and let us go, and wait for his friend to pick him up from there. Guess what was Y’s reply? He didn’t have the money !! A guy who had travelled a distance worth some 78 rupees had done so without a pie in his pocket!! So now, we had to wait for the friend to come and pay!!

Had it been any other day when I was on a tight schedule, I’d have quit by now and taken an auto. But that day wasn’t a busy one, and so, I didn’t want the hassle of doing that. Besides, there was something R told us that made me root for him.

Just the previous day, R had been blocked by Uber from plying rides because a customer had raised a complaint. R explained that he’d dropped someone at their specified destination but that person claimed that he had meant a place that was a further 2 kilometres away. R did go and drop him there, but the guy didn’t pay for the extra distance because the pre-programmed fare based on the drop off point had been deducted from PayTm. Not only did he not pay, the customer had also picked a quarrel with R and raised a complaint with Uber. R had just got back from a two-hour dressing down by Uber.

R also narrated how a few days ago, he had dropped a lady to an apartment complex. She’d also chosen to pay by cash, but didn’t have the 375 rupees with her. So, R had to wait for almost 20 minutes for her to go to her apartment, get the money, and come back; in the process, he’d missed out on 2 or 3 other rides.

Poor R seemed to be having the worst of luck, attracting such cantankerous customers. I didn’t want to add to his count.

After 10 minutes of waiting outside the police station, in exasperation, I wondered aloud about how people could be so irresponsible as to travel without the fare, and then act like it’s the cab driver’s fault and also have no qualms about delaying their co-travellers. Again, Y didn’t say anything although his face did darken. My son prodded me and whispered, “Be quiet, Amma, why you want to make a big issue? Anyway, we’re not in a hurry and its only 12 rupees we’re paying!” I tried to explain to him about how sticking up for what is right is more important.

Another 10 minutes later, the friend finally arrived. He paid R and tried to explain where he’d wanted Y to be dropped. As R prepared to leave, Y, in a scornful voice, said, “Madam asked how I travelled without money. Because she is a lady, I didn’t argue with her. It’s not that I don’t have money…I do…just that right now I didn’t have cash because just now, I got released from the station and was coming to meet my friend.” !!! For a minute, I was stunned at the implication – the only ‘station’ one gets ‘released’ from is the police station….God alone knows for what offence he had been held there – and here I was, arguing with him, risking some unpredictable response. But even with that scary thought, I admired the fact that he hadn’t lost his cool and respected that ‘she is a lady’ and hadn’t argued !

Finally, we got going and reached home. What should have taken us about 30 minutes on a holiday, took 75 minutes. While dropping us, R rued that he seemed to be getting only such problematic customers. He was quite upset that Uber only asks customers for feedback but not the drivers, who have to face such difficult circumstances.

Feeling sorry for R, I handed over a piece of paper with the mantra “Shri Gurudeva Datta” written on it. I’d gotten my son to write it out in Kannada. I explained to R how sometimes, problems arise from a spiritual cause and these cannot be solved without some divine remedy. That mantra is one I’ve often advised to many, many people, and most of them come back to tell me it’s worked wonders for them.

When I told him this, R was close to tears and muttered, “Madam, thank you so much. You can’t imagine what all problems I have and how hopeless and helpless I feel. My father fell ill last month and I had to spend a few thousands for his treatment. I haven’t yet been able to pay two months EMI for this cab….thank you very much for this mantra. I will definitely chant it.”

Our ride gave him a mere 12 rupees; I only hope the remedy I suggested proves more valuable and gives R an anchor to weather through his storms.