It was my son’s first birthday and we were to celebrate it with the customary rituals in the Ram Mandir at Malleswaram. All relatives from both sides of the extended family had been invited, along with workplace colleagues and friends.
Unfortunately, my husband S had hurt his leg and been advised a few weeks immobility – a hairline fracture, I think, can’t remember exactly after all these years. Also, S’s maternal aunt who had been diagnosed with cancer a few months before, was struggling with her ailment and the side effects of the therapy, and my in-laws were totally occupied with caring for her besides also taking care of a paralyzed-from-the-waist-down, bed-ridden Tatha (my mother-in-law’s father).
A few days before, after consulting my parents and in-laws and the vaadiyaar (officiating pandit), I had compiled a list of things we would require, and kept everything ready. The evening prior to the birthday, I went to the hall alone to check on the arrangements and make the last minute purchases of flowers and fruits. One of my brothers-in-law came after some time and together, we bought the vegetables from the nearby market and got the cook and his assistants settled in. My parents and sisters would be coming early the next morning to help set up everything for the rituals.
The next morning, I packed everything, and with my sister-in-law P, took an auto and reached the hall. S and his parents would come with our son a little later. While we were in the auto, P was appreciating how I had got everything organized on my own and made a statement that made me go blank for a while. She said, “At first, we were all worried because during your wedding, we heard you were slow in your work. But seeing how you’ve been doing everything so efficiently, it’s a great relief.”
Overcoming my shock at hearing that, I asked her from whom they had heard it and when the answer came, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Laugh – because that person who had passed judgment on me didn’t really know me well, and had hardly ever seen me in action despite being a close relative, because there hadn’t been scope for too much interaction. Cry – imagining how wrong my new family had been in believing the inputs from someone who was not just ill-informed, but also relatively quite young.
But there was no time to spend thinking of it and so, this news of my supposed lethargy and laidback attitude got pushed to the back of my mind.
Many days later, I remembered this again and then, pondered over why that relative may have made such a damaging statement to people who were yet to discover me. It struck me that maybe it was something said in jest, because my sisters would always tease me about how, when I was in 11th and 12th standard, I used to leave home much earlier than required. Everyone knew it was to avoid the rush in the buses which was more as college time approached, still, it was one thing they used to pull my leg about. Probably this person had heard this joke and reported it equally in jest, not realizing the impact it could have…
And yet, even in this situation with so much potential for damage, I could sense Krishna’s grace….because:
- My in-laws family had heard this judgment and yet, never used it to throw barbs at me
- They hadn’t let their knowledge of this supposed insider information to prejudice their minds and were willing to form their opinions based on what they observed of me
- I got to know of this in a positive setting, at a time when my own relationship with my new family was relatively well-cemented, so there was no chance of me feeling hurt by the disclosure
- Except for an initial sense of being let-down, I never felt any kind of anger at the relative who’d played Brutus
- One more thing I realized years later…..
……….when a relative on my in-laws side was talking about my son’s first birthday. She expressed how sad she had been at that time. Because from her point of view, all the problems that existed then were depressing – S’s fracture, his aunt’s cancer, Tatha’s health condition, and seeing me running around alone to get things arranged.
Hearing her say this, I realized that I’ve been blessed with something that has made the biggest difference all through my life.
The inability to see difficulties where others see them.
It’s like I’m literally numb - lethargic and laidback 😉- when it comes to sensing personal discomfort.
Never feeling bogged down by the magnitude of things I have to do.
The attitude that nothing is a problem – its only a question of getting used to stepping out of my comfort zone…..
….And with Krishna always guiding me, I know there’s always a way out of the trickiest of situations….
Anytime I find myself confused about how to act or respond to something, I call into play my moral compass, which is what my spiritual guide told me long, long ago, a few days before I was to get married. "Whatever your situation in life, never ever forget that you are a sadhak (spiritual seeker)." Today, more than ever, I realize that acting as per this advice has made all the difference to my life...
A few days before, after consulting my parents and in-laws and the vaadiyaar (officiating pandit), I had compiled a list of things we would require, and kept everything ready. The evening prior to the birthday, I went to the hall alone to check on the arrangements and make the last minute purchases of flowers and fruits. One of my brothers-in-law came after some time and together, we bought the vegetables from the nearby market and got the cook and his assistants settled in. My parents and sisters would be coming early the next morning to help set up everything for the rituals.
The next morning, I packed everything, and with my sister-in-law P, took an auto and reached the hall. S and his parents would come with our son a little later. While we were in the auto, P was appreciating how I had got everything organized on my own and made a statement that made me go blank for a while. She said, “At first, we were all worried because during your wedding, we heard you were slow in your work. But seeing how you’ve been doing everything so efficiently, it’s a great relief.”
Overcoming my shock at hearing that, I asked her from whom they had heard it and when the answer came, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Laugh – because that person who had passed judgment on me didn’t really know me well, and had hardly ever seen me in action despite being a close relative, because there hadn’t been scope for too much interaction. Cry – imagining how wrong my new family had been in believing the inputs from someone who was not just ill-informed, but also relatively quite young.
But there was no time to spend thinking of it and so, this news of my supposed lethargy and laidback attitude got pushed to the back of my mind.
Many days later, I remembered this again and then, pondered over why that relative may have made such a damaging statement to people who were yet to discover me. It struck me that maybe it was something said in jest, because my sisters would always tease me about how, when I was in 11th and 12th standard, I used to leave home much earlier than required. Everyone knew it was to avoid the rush in the buses which was more as college time approached, still, it was one thing they used to pull my leg about. Probably this person had heard this joke and reported it equally in jest, not realizing the impact it could have…
And yet, even in this situation with so much potential for damage, I could sense Krishna’s grace….because:
- My in-laws family had heard this judgment and yet, never used it to throw barbs at me
- They hadn’t let their knowledge of this supposed insider information to prejudice their minds and were willing to form their opinions based on what they observed of me
- I got to know of this in a positive setting, at a time when my own relationship with my new family was relatively well-cemented, so there was no chance of me feeling hurt by the disclosure
- Except for an initial sense of being let-down, I never felt any kind of anger at the relative who’d played Brutus
- One more thing I realized years later…..
……….when a relative on my in-laws side was talking about my son’s first birthday. She expressed how sad she had been at that time. Because from her point of view, all the problems that existed then were depressing – S’s fracture, his aunt’s cancer, Tatha’s health condition, and seeing me running around alone to get things arranged.
Hearing her say this, I realized that I’ve been blessed with something that has made the biggest difference all through my life.
The inability to see difficulties where others see them.
It’s like I’m literally numb - lethargic and laidback 😉- when it comes to sensing personal discomfort.
Never feeling bogged down by the magnitude of things I have to do.
The attitude that nothing is a problem – its only a question of getting used to stepping out of my comfort zone…..
….And with Krishna always guiding me, I know there’s always a way out of the trickiest of situations….
Anytime I find myself confused about how to act or respond to something, I call into play my moral compass, which is what my spiritual guide told me long, long ago, a few days before I was to get married. "Whatever your situation in life, never ever forget that you are a sadhak (spiritual seeker)." Today, more than ever, I realize that acting as per this advice has made all the difference to my life...
Hopefully I remain Sadhak till my last breath with my love my lord my Krishna leading me thru .... namaste and happy night
ReplyDeleteI hope the same, too, Archana :-)
DeleteIs it also about the ability to witness when one goes about taking such challenges that comes our way?
ReplyDeleteYes, Ma'am...that's a vital quality that helps one stay grounded...
Delete